On parenting & the whole listening more,
teaching less thing by Hollie Holden:
Yesterday, we were having a quiet moment (a
rare thing in our house) and my four-year-old son was gazing out into the
garden as he ate his food. Then he looked at me and said, with clarity and
excitement: 'mum, I've worked something out. People come here and then they die
and when they die they go back into the sun to make it shine more brightly for everyone.'
And I really took in
his realisation (and breathed it in) and I said 'You know, I think that's
exactly it.' And we carried on eating.
And I was thinking
today about how often I hear of parents asking spiritual teachers how they can
read the right books to their children, help them become connected, know the
truth, be kind. And there are so many books out there to help us do this. But
really my own response is that we need to find ways to let them STAY IN the
wisdom, not help them find it. Or, if they lose their way, to help them come
back home to themselves rather than look outside themselves for somewhere 'out
there'.
Which means as much
spaciousness, peace, presence and listening as we can muster and doing our own
inner work to forgive ourselves when we are not providing any of these things
(!) and, above all, stopping with the whole teaching thing. Yes, guidance of
course and boundaries definitely. But teaching is a whole other thing.
And we can start doing
it by becoming more disciplined around them - more present, less distracted
(she says, making a mental note to Hide The Phone for the afternoon) and more
alongside our children as they discover and realise and reflect rather than
worrying about what answer to give them when they ponder life.
Our children have
everything they need to thrive, to be themselves (the most important job in the
universe), to love, to find their way to kindness, to fulfil their soul path.
Just like a seed that has absolutely everything it needs to turn into a whole,
enormous, huge oak tree. Our job is to trust, not to mould. And to hold, not to
teach.
The other benefit of
adopting this approach in our parenting is that WE GET TO LEARN HUGE AMOUNTS OF
DEEP STUFF. Seriously, the wildest wisdom comes through when these young humans
are given the space to speak. {I always love hearing the pearls; please share
in the comments...}
We all turn back into
the sun to give each other more light. Thank goodness I didn't miss that one.
(And, by the way, our
children also choose us, in all their wisdom, EXACTLY AS WE ARE for the highest
learning of all of us. So your biggest job really is to get that you are
enough. Do not, I repeat, do not use this post to beat yourself up, tell
yourself you should be doing better or that you wish you had been more
developed when your children were young. Strict loving orders. Just let the
seed be planted if it needs to be or let a young shoot be strengthened in you
or just receive the validation from a fellow doing-my-best parent.)
